The day started with with me checking up on my flickr friends, their great photos, interesting lives and above all, fascinating insights into life. As always, I found a lot of food for thought on esp K's flickr page - a lady with deep African connections, a fellow educator and someone both Mau and I now reckon as a dear friend, even though we have never met.
Whilst browsing her photos, I could not fail but notice that she has been taking a lot of photos of kids as of late. They are gentle, sweet pics clearly showing her love and appreciation of youngsters.
Then, another thought came to mind: with her living in the USA, I wondered how her taking these was perceived by those around her. Did she do it overtly as a photographer, or did she secretly blend in as a mother? More interestingly, did she get away with doing this simply because she is a mature woman? It is certainly something I, as a middle aged, bald man would never be able to get away with in the West. Even worse: if the parents knew that I was actually married to another man - they'd probably call the cops straight away!
K's photos and the discussion it bore also reminded me of one of the more interesting experiences I have ever had regarding this topic. About 9 years ago, when I was teaching in New Zealand, two male friends (both much older than me and married to two colleagues of mine) and I drove past a Primary School in Christchurch. The sprawling lawn and football fields looked particularly lush and green; the early sun skipping in silvers and coppers off the blades. I pointed at this, looking out the window of the car. They immediately asked me not to point at the school as they would not want those in the car behind us to get suspicious ......
Thank goodness it is so different here in China.
Here, when we go walkies on a Monday, we almost always end up with children around us. We have parents bring their kids to say "Helloooo", to speak a word or two of English, to squeeze a cheek, to rustle a head and then to walk off again. When the cameras are out, parents bring the kids to pose, coax them into the Chinese V-sign (for smile) ... and leave smiling when all is done. It is just the norm.
Should we sit down somewhere, we soon have parents bring kids over, talk a while and often wander off leaving the kids with us. In the neighborhood we frequent the most we are even seen and used as babysitters! Often, when we go there on a Monday, we'd be sitting chatting or whatever, just to have a baby or toddler popped into your lap unceremoniously - the parent disappearing to do some shopping or something. Whilst the parent is away, Uncle and Aunty and Little Mary and whomever else, will come by, play with the baby, then pass him / her back.
Raising a kid here is simply a communal activity.
With this in mind, I went out today to take photos showing the Chinese reality where the Village still reigns supreme, where innocent interaction between adults and children is not yet viewed suspiciously. We did not coax anyone into these things you see in the photos: they happen every day, every where.
This little one's father (man right) watches him perform for Mau with the video cam. Aunty from the stall next door smiles on whilst a stranger passing by (next to Mau) joins in the fun.
The 1st place we sat down at was a small restaurant we have not visited for almost a year. Soon the wee child of the owners, who was a baby last time we saw her, came over and started playing with Uncle Mauro. She calls us "Yee-Yee", or "Paternal Grandfather". Go figure, lol!!
She absolutely loves the camera and performed to her heart's content. She also roped in the neighbours' son. Every time a photo was taken, they'd run to look at it. Here they are peeping at James' screen.
Not long after that, and he was playing Doraemon with us. Super hero to the rescue .... ;-))
Next stop, and soon we had a crowd of about 30 people around us, many with kids. This little bundle of fun insited on sharing his lollipop with Mauro. How could he refuse?
Now do not get me wrong. I understand the sensitivities involved and I am the first to advocate the death penalty for those who err against a child, our most vulnerable members of society. I am just concerned about losing the golden midway here; about how we exclude esp men from interacting with children, and how this affects all parties involved, now and in future.
1 comment:
I just discovered your blog, and I've bookmarked it and hope to return often. You write wonderfully, and of course the fact that you were writing about ME does get my attention!
I think I do benefit from the privilege of being a single female of a certain age. The stereotypes work in my favour, and I am able to blend in with the grannies and the nannies, many of them with their cameras; two men together might well be suspect in the same location, and I am sad about that and sadder about the situation that has led to it.
I love the ease, the smiles, the instant trust, and the warmth you are receiving in Shanghai, especially in BaoShan. By posting pictures and blogging, you share that warmth. Thank you both. I am honored to be your unmet friend.
K. Kendall
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